Every once in a gr8 while I'll catch myself thinkin' a short moment through tha day. Why don't I write what my children have done today,everyday as I should. For them to read later down the road as they may wish to someday. I then realize for I am too wrapped up in what they do. I care for my children as I feel every gr8 parent should. I avoid not what they do. I interact with them as well as their every thoughts in which they wish ta share with me. there are times when they think I'm tha meanest mom in tha whole wide world. Then they'll ask,"Did your mom do this to you when you were little?" MOst often too much I fear, tha answer would be much worse. They stop & think a few & let it ponder in their heads what was just said. NOw they've realized that tactic has never worked just as they had hoped, they try another approach. Such as by askin me,"Well how would you like it if your mom made you stand in the corner & wouldn't let you eat any dinner until all of your schoolwork was done?" I always reply with a smile & say,"I would have loved it, if my mother would have done those things to me. Though frankly she never cared to give me any choices such as those in which I give you."

People aften too much tell me they feel I give my children way too many choices & that I should TELL THEM what ta do not give them choices. Though when I give them choices they may not always be ones in which they like, there's always a better choice of tha two. I'm not able ta MAKE someone do something in which they don't wanna do. If KK doesn't wanna eat those green beans put upon her plate, I cannot MAKE her sit there until she does eat them. I could give her a choice though, for her to make her own decision. If Small Fry doesn't like those cooked carrots on his plate. If I were to try making him eat them by opening his mouth & shoving ;'em in there, sure enuff he's gonna spit them rt. bk up. That's his way of showing me nobody's in contol of anybody else other then themselves. I've seen ALOT of people in this world, such as my brother, Eric, unable to think for themselves due to them never been givin choices throughout their lives. I want my children to b able to think for themselves. Madi, only 7 will speak to you as if she were 27. She loves tya learn & when she learns the meaning of a new wrd. she'll try her best ta use it in a sentence atleast 3x's in one day. She sometimes, often enuff, will tell me,"Mom why do you always give me choices? You give me too many choices to make & I don't like all of the choices that you always give us."
Once my mom got with my step dad, Bill, my choice life-style was soon taken away. The choices in which I once had, soon became no more. Even the most simpliest of ones such as,which would I like to drink, milk or water? or would I like a spoon or a fork to eat with? I think those little choices were revoked about tha time we moved in. Lemme tell ya I hated it, it sucked & I soooo waited to get out on my own. I couldn't wait until I got old enuff ta live on my own & that was nothin compared too tha yrs. ta come, changes that were made. The so called descipline actions that were taken & yadda yadda. Eric is unable to think for himself now that he's older. Which I find as bein sad. He never had any choices throughout his life, his dad always made them for him. He was never allowed tha chance to learn about, consequences. He was always told what was/ would have happened if he were ta do something. He now plans ta spend the rest of his life in the military. He will tell you, w/o being told what ta do @ what time & when he wouldn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to think for himself, he's never had to.
When I 1st got with Larry, I hadn't realized just exactly how much of a difference, of giving choices & having them taken away all those yrs., had on me. Until he had pointed it out to me, more often then just a few times. Larry had seen it, though I hadn't, until he showed me. Whenever he would go to tha station ta pick something up, he'd always ask me if I'd like him ta bring me bk a drink or what not. I would always say, sure anything would be nice. Or I would give him tha," sure whatever would be ok, it doesn't matter to me." "Well what is it you would like me ta bring bk for ya?" "Anything, you choose" would be my reply. I don;t think I had ever given him an answer outside anything even remotely close to those for tha longest time. One day he just up & said,"that's it woman, I'm sick & tired of always making decisions & choices for you, you need to do it on your own or just go without.I'm tired of always being tha one of makin decisions here & it's gotta stop. From now on, if I ask you something I don't wanna hear anything other then a straight forward decision from you." It was @ that moment that I realized he was rt. I hadn't been makin any of my own decisions, I had almost forgotten how to think for myself. He put his foor dwn. from that point on, just as he said he was gonna do & it was HARD on me. Whenever we would go out to eat, I wasnt able to decidde just where it was I would have liked to have gone. I wasnt able to think of where to eat. I would ask him to narrow my choices dwn., then let me decide. I found that, then to have even been defficult on my end. He had even gotten frustrated with that to tha point it was, if I hadnt decided within a certain amount of time, then I was just gonna go humgry, & I did. If he went to tha station & asked if I'd like anything brought bk. if I wasn't able to give him a str8 answer then he came bk. empty handed. I wouldn't have minded water all tha time, if it were drinkable water. Not highly concentraded, with a noticable chlorine scent. Yeah I would get upset with that, though he'd always tell me why. Of course I wasn't all that happy with my choice of not tellin him just what it was that I would have liked him to have brought bk for me. It took him a long while, with a WHOLE LOTTA PATIENCE, to br8k me of that. Though I may have been pissy & despite full of him from time-time bk. then I thank god for it, that he did. I don't think he realizes just what it is he has done for me by doin' just so. Reflecting bk. on it, seeing just how that little change has affected me, allows me to do better with my children. To help provide them with the ability of makin choices in which they will be happier about making themselves later in life.