Is That Call near?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Is That Call near? Current mood: depressed Category: Life
I've been really stressin these pass few wks. As much as I always look @ tha up n up side of things rather than tha dwn side, I still get bothered by things. Some things one doesnt' always feel is able ta speak ta other's about. Therefore; it stays contained & bottled up inside. Which could cause one's behavior to act accordigly. Just as 1 or more stresses may be rid of, there still remains another,..one, maybe 2,.....left unspoken. In hopes of lettin' it all out to improve not only one's inner soul, tho peace of mind perhaps, per sey. Tho I seriousely doubt whatever I may post here will make much of a difference within myself. Writtin use ta help me put myself at ease in many ways. Nowadays, I feel as if it really matters not, either way. Tho Im gonna just put what it is that has my soul in a bit of an unsettlin state @ this current point in time.
Fer as far bk. as Im able ta remember, I've had, what some wud consider as bein' a blessin, others wud consider it as a curse. I myself consider it as bein' both from time-time. B tha judge yerself if ye may, tho ta me, it matters not either way. What I speak of are Dreams. I dream, often as I do, most are always remembered. I've always had the gift of foreseein' what's ta come, per se, to those closest around or prt of me. Mostly none of them havin a peacefull ending. For those within these dreams of mine I wud b seeing their near end of visitation here on Earth. Disturbing they always would have been when I first realized what they were. Once I realized some are able to be changed in a few ways, I've always done my best to give forewarnings. Tho all to often they'd go avoided or taken all to lightly. When the day would come, they other person always said their final farewells to me, within my dreams. It's been awhile since I've had any of these type of dreams. It's been really peacefull actually. Up until all to recently.
The day in which I've soo been dreadin fer to many yrs now, I feel is all to near. I want not this day to come, ever! Tho I know there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I ask myself, who will be there to catch me when I fall? Tha answer goes unknown. I know the lord will be with me when this day does arrive as well as all other days that may lye ahead after it's forthcoming. Tho I'm gonna wanna be held tightly late at night, for comfort & companionship. From someone other than my children. Call it selfish if ye may, tho really yer opinion matters not to me. Tha one I speak of is none other than tha great woman that chose to bring me into this world. regardless of how fucked up it may b or seem or how fucked up some may think she may have lived her life. I think she did the most wonderfull job in tha world with me.
My nights have become sleepless, in fear of seein more. My days are becoming lost in fear of rest. I know this is somethin' I can't ignore much more. My mood may start to swing due to lack of rest. Tho as always I keep a smile upon my face, patience within my tone, as my heart breaks, tears fall, always unseen by others. I know the call is near. I feel it within my soul, every bone within my body tells me so. My dreams reconfirm it every time I shut my eyes, they become stronger. The stronger they become, the closer the day nears. Who will catch me when I fall? 'Tis another tribulation I must pick myself up from. One I wish will never come